“Every decision you make, makes you.” — Cassandra Clare
Asking someone else to tell me what to do was always my fearful, lazy, wimpy way out of making a decision.
Of course, my internal ‘knowingness’ would always tell me what the ‘right’ decision was for me. Yet, I often did not have the courage to make and act upon that decision. So, I would continuously ask others around me what they thought I should do…..hoping they would help let myself off the hook.
And, so most of the decisions I made in the past were actually made by other people for me.
As a result, my life was created by other people and I was not fully happy and I was not achieving the goals I wanted to achieve.
Thankfully, out of the blue…while brushing my teeth one morning…I realized that all choices are made from 1 of 2 motivations.
That was the day I automatically stopped asking other people what I should do and I began asking myself 5 questions…which always lead me to the most powerful choice for me and which I always have the courage to make and take action on.
The 2 Motivations within All Decisions
Most, if not all, spiritual belief systems are based on the concept that the two most powerful energies are ‘love’ and ‘fear.’
Love is the harmonizing empowering force of nature while Fear is the exact opposite. Fear generates anger, frustration, confusion, agitation, and dis-harmony.
And, both Love and Fear are contained within every decision we choose to make. Decisions made from Love will be quite different than those based on Fear.
You may wish to take a moment now to consider a decision you made recently. Did you base your decision on the principle of Love or was your decision generated from Fear?
The 5 Questions To Ask To Make The Most Powerful Decision
If you agree that all decisions are based upon Love or Fear, then it makes sense that there are 5 questions that make it easy to know our options and which option we will choose as our decision.
The questions are:
1. Coming from Fear, why would I choose not to do what I am considering?
2. Coming from Love, why would I choose not to do what I am considering?
3. Coming from Fear, why would I choose to do what I am considering?
4. Coming from Love, why would I choose to do what I am considering?
5. Of all the answers I gave to the first 4 Questions, which one felt the strongest in my body (not the best, not the worst, just the strongest)?
For Example
While writing my book, Chi-To-Be!, I faced a decision directly related to one of the key Goals of my B-All™
My decision: Whether or not to ask for an extension in submitting the first draft of the book.
Here is how I applied the 5 questions of the ‘Chi-To-Be! Solution Process™ to arrive at an empowering decision:
Question #1: Coming from Fear, why would I not ask for an extension?
I don’t want to appear unreliable. I am concerned that the publisher will not want to publish the book if the first draft is not provided on time.
Question #2: Coming from Love, why would I not ask for an extension?
If I am giving Love to my publisher, then I want to be sure I don’t delay their plans for the book. If I am giving Love to me, I would not ask for an extension because I want to be seen as reliable and able to keep my word.
Question #3: Coming from Fear, why would I ask for an extension?
I am concerned that what I have written is not good enough to submit.
Question #4: Coming from Love, why would I ask for an extension?
If I am giving Love to my publisher, I want to be sure that what I submit is worthy of being published. Asking for an extension now provides sufficient notice and is the most loving action I can take. In this way, the publisher is prepared to give attention to other projects and can co-create with me a new deadline that works for us both. If I am giving Love to me, an extension would give me the time to submit a draft that I truly feel is my best work without extra pressure. This allows me to write in a relaxed and joyful way…which is what is most empowering for both me and the publisher.
Question #5: Which answer felt strongest in my body?
The answer to Question #4.
MY DECISION: To come from Love and request an extension.
Tara R. was attracted to the Chi-To-Be! Mastery Coaching™ Program at one of the busiest times in her life. Here’s how she made the decision whether or not to say ‘yes’ to herself to participate:
Question #1: Coming from Fear, why would I not say Yes to the Chi-to-Be! Mastery Coaching™ Program?
Fear of becoming overwhelmed with “to do’s”, which stresses out me and my family. I could appear as a “flake” for agreeing and then not being able to catch up/keep up and contribute to the deadlines.
Question #2: Coming from Love, why would I not say Yes to the Chi-to-Be! Mastery Coaching™ Program?
Because I love my family and know I am no good to anyone or anything when I am in a state of overwhelm. If I cannot contribute with full attention and respect, then it would be more respectful to say no at this time.
Question #3: Coming from Fear, why would I say Yes to the Chi-to-Be! Mastery Coaching™ Program? Accepting from Fear that I would be missing not only a wonderful opportunity God has put right into my lap, but also missing an opportunity that provides EXACTLY the tools I’ve needed to achieve my Goals. I’ve been missing the answer to “How do I….?”
Question #4: Coming from Love, why would I say Yes to the Chi-to-Be! Mastery Coaching™ Program?
Because I am learning to trust God’s hand in my life; I am learning to feel His Love and guidance in my gut. I am learning to see the incredible clues/opportunities unfold in front of my eyes. That is what happened here. These words appeared in my mind’s eye: “Why Not?” and “Love.” I felt contrary to my ‘logical’ sense that by accepting this invitation I would receive and give blessings very important to achieving my B-All™.
Question #5: Which answer felt strongest in my body?
The answer to Question #4.
MY DECISION: To participate in the Chi-to-Be! Mastery Coaching™ Program because taking part will help me on both my career and personal levels, as well as giving me an opportunity to offer the blessing of sharing my experiences. WIN:WIN!
Thanks for taking a moment now to share your thoughts on this Stress-Free Living Tip in the comment box below.
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like these posts on The Solution Process… CLICK HERE to read them.
Stacey Hall, L.S.H., C.N.T.C., C.A.C, C.R.T.S.
Success Coach, Speaker, Best-Selling Author
CEO, Chi-To-Be!, LLC